“Unforgettable”

The stalker film is dead. After “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle,” “Unlawful Entry,” “The Gift,” “The Loft,” “Mother’s Boys,” “Fear,” “When the Bough Breaks,” “Fatal Attraction,” and now “Unforgettable,” can we agree it’s time to call it quits? Especially since “Unforgettable” rips off several of the titles mentioned above?

Successful blogger Julia (Rosario Dawson) gets engaged to the handsome David (Geoff Stults), but they both have baggage. Julia has an abusive ex she hasn’t told David about. David’s ex, Tessa (a surprisingly solid Katherine Heigl) isn’t over David and wants to ruin Julia’s life. If you’ve seen any of the movies I mentioned earlier, you can guess what happens next.

I don’t know what prompted Dawson and Heigl to star in “Unforgettable,” but they look as miserable as their characters throughout this unforgettable trash. The only times they seem to enjoy themselves are when they’re drinking (I’m almost positive that’s actual alcohol).

I’ll give props to Heigl. I’m not a fan, but she provides a few chilling moments. It’s not enough to make up for the film’s generic, unsubtle, unimaginative, illogical, and sexist screenplay.

The best psycho thrillers start subtle and slowly reveal the character’s sinister traits. I liked Gordo in “The Gift,” Pete in “Unlawful Entry,” Jude in “Mother’s Boys,” David in “Fear”, and Alex in “Fatal Attraction” upon introduction because they were restrained. There’s no subtlety in Tessa’s introduction and we know right away she’s nuts!

“Unforgettable” borrows heavily from the films mentioned earlier. Whether it’s a steamy public sex scene (“Fear”), Julia receiving an anonymous gift on the porch (“The Gift”), or Tessa kicking someone out of her car after having sex (“Unlawful Entry”), the writers seem content writing a serious of homages to superior thrillers.

As far as logic goes, “Unforgettable” has zilch. How can someone have a fancy house, but can’t afford to pay their lawyer? Why are people so casual about Tessa’s controlling, abusive behavior? Why do most conversations revolve around men and how good they are in bed?

We’re also treated to an unwanted cliffhanger that will set up a sequel. SPOILER ALERT – the sequel (if it gets made at all) will have Tessa’s overbearing mother (Cheryl Ladd) as the villain. But why?! “Unforgettable” would have passed as a character study of a broken, unstable anti-hero; not the millionth psycho stalker movie.

Grade: D-

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2016

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I’m getting this out of the way as quick as possible! I’ve seen enough movies this year to make a 10 worst list, and I don’t need to see any more!

10) Jane Got a Gun –It’s a dull, illogical, and sexist Western soap opera that features Natalie Portman’s weakest performance to date.

9) I Saw the Light – The emotionless Hank Williams biopic, I Saw the Light is Tom Hiddleston’s worst choice to date. Instead of diving into the psyche of the country icon, director Marc Abraham shows us highlights without context.

8) Suicide Squad – Suicide Squad is the latest addition to DC’s live-action screw ups. Some scenes have kinetic energy, but then others are packed with cartoonish effects and bad stunt work that make Batman v. Superman look like a damn masterpiece!

7) The Sea of Trees – Gus Van Sant and Matthew McConaughey’s collaboration received a widely negative reaction at 2015’s Cannes Film Festival. I get it because this movie tries so hard to make you feel emotions, instead resulting in laughs at its pretentious twist.

6) Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows – I thought this was going in the right direction. Instead, this was another Michael Bay-produced lackluster overstuffed with bad jokes, too many whiny characters, exposition, and a misused Dean Winters.

5) London Has Fallen – It’s an outdated and offensive action movie that should have been released 30 years ago. Gerard Butler and Aaron Eckhart are about as equal, xenophobic gun-happy ‘Miricans as Trump and Pence.

4) Get a Job – I love Miles Teller, Anna Kendrick, and Bryan Cranston, but they all embarrassed themselves in the creepy and stupid Get a Job. This is a comedy that glorifies cheapskates, stalking, and office sexual harassment. I’m 25, finished school, and in debt, but I sadly couldn’t relate to this immoral crap fest.

3) The Do-Over – Adam Sandler acknowledged recently that he knows his talent is limited. Was he thinking this during the tonally uneven, overly violent, and misogynistic Netflix film? Kudos to Sandler for switching to Netflix, but not for forcing us to watch him and David Spade get paid for hanging out and bore their audience.

2) Nine Lives – Nine Lives is the only movie I have walked out of halfway through. My walkout is the only reason sparing this disturbing cat comedy from being the #1 worst film.

1) The Darkness –  I love horror movies and Kevin Bacon, but NOT The Darkness.  There’s no originality, vision, or intrigue as we suffer through redundant cheap scares, gender and racial stereotypes, and a horrid, offensive depiction of autism. The look on Bacon’s face shows he’s aware The Darkness is garbage.

And that’s all folks! I saw these worst movies, so you didn’t have to. What was the worst film *you* saw this year?