2017’s Worst Films

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Though I saw quite a few great films this year, I definitely saw some stinkers. The Mummy and Little Evil won’t make the worst films, but these next top ten will!

10) The Snowman – This convoluted, misogynistic mess of a movie relies too heavily on convenience to move the plot along. Seriously, how’s a raging alcoholic with no driver’s license a detective?

9) The Belko Experiment – Speaking of convoluted, we never learn what the point of the Battle Royale-like experiment is in The Belko Experiment. Instead, we just see a bunch of peoples’ heads explode, which is boring after the second head explosion.

8) King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – One cool, flashy montage is fine, but a dozen?! Guy Ritchie should have just made a 20-minute short film instead of making this lazy retelling of the Arthur fable.

7) Sandy Wexler – There’s nothing likable or charming about Adam Sandler’s titular character; instead, we’re forced to watch an unfunny loser for 2.5 hours (who told Sandler he could make a movie that long?). 

6) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – The great Luc Besson kills all potential in his latest film by focusing on the protagonists’ awkward relationship. Plus the non-existent chemistry between leads Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevigne digs the film’s grave deeper.

5) Death Note – Adapting an anime to the big screen doesn’t always work, as shown in Death Note. This is a huge misfire. Death Note spends too much time focusing on angsty, horny teenagers killing people and having sex rather than building its mythology and giving a demonic Willem Dafoe more to do.

4) A Cure for Wellness – There’s no point or clear resolution in Gore Verbinski’s overlong style-over-substance exercise, A Cure for Wellness. Verbinski and the screenwriters are desperate to shock their audience with torture and pedophiliac undertones since they couldn’t think of anything interesting to say.

3) Unforgettable – I hate to say this, but this hack job erotic thriller actually had potential. Katherine Heigl makes a convincing ice queen stalker, but Unforgettable is too unrealistic, ridiculous, and generic to take seriously. Save this one for a bad movie night with your friends like I did.

2) Baywatch – Baywatch made me more conservative when watching Dwayne Johnson’s movies. He and Zac Efron had a good time, but I didn’t. Baywatch relies on punch lines and bodily gags that we’ve seen before in better comedies.

1) Wish Upon – Wish Upon is the worst movie I saw in 2017, but I still had a blast watching it. It’s The Room of horror movies! The main characters are all beautifully stupid like in every straight-to-video horror movie, but Wish Upon makes those characters look like Stephen Hawking. How many wishes does it take a person to realize the wish box is doing more harm than good? Clearly more than one.

That’s it for my worst of the year. Thanks to all for reading and making this movie season a great one. What will 2018’s worst be? Stay tuned!

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“The Disaster Artist”

 

I did not hate The Disaster Artist. It’s not true. It’s bullshit! I did not hate it. I did naaaaaaaaaht…. Oh, hai reader!

Set between 1998 and 2003, The Disaster Artist follows Greg Sestero (Dave Franco) and Tommy Wiseau (James Franco) and documents their bizarre friendship. They meet in an acting class where Tommy’s fearless and unapologetic nature inspires Greg. After they encounter brutal rejection in Hollywood, Tommy suggests they make their own movie. And that’s how we got the 2003 awful-yet-entertaining cult film, The Room.

The Disaster Artist is a case of life imitating art. While Wiseau produced, wrote, directed, and starred in The Room, James directs, produces, and stars in The Disaster Artist. Unlike The RoomThe Disaster Artist is good. Scratch that. It’s great!

James directs and acts with the same level of passion and showmanship; his performance as Wiseau is the best performance I’ve seen all year. It’s much more than a great Tommy Wiseau impression. James brings life, humanity, and spirit to one of the strangest and mysterious celebrities. Sure, he brings on the laughs, but we also feel sorry for him whenever he’s dismissed or belittled (even though Tommy does it to himself).

As Greg Sestero, Dave delivers his best performance. Greg is the straight man, though he has a stronger arc than Tommy. We see Greg grow from a naïve baby face (Tommy’s pet name for him), to a confident actor, and finally to an annoyed-yet-loyal friend. The Franco brothers both show their strong fraternal bond through their characters.

Screenwriting duo Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber ((500) Days of Summer and The Spectacular Now) deliver an insightful script that depicts one of the most disastrous film productions in history. The Room was infamous for going over budget, over schedule, being shot on two formats, and several cast and crew members quitting. The Disaster Artist dives into the chaos of the production and we see that some of the depicted moments weren’t funny, but rather horrific. I found myself checking imdb to see how much of the production scenes in The Disaster Artist were true and found myself in awe. Though they risked losing focus with a tame subplot involving Greg’s girlfriend (Dave’s real life wife Allison Brie), I still found myself invested.

At one point, we see Tommy’s cast talking about The Room and actress Carolyn (Jacki Weaver) says the worst day on a film set is better than a boring day in real life This line is one of the many inspiring moments in The Disaster Artist. by the end when Tommy embraces his cult status, I felt provoked to make my own movie.

Grade: A

 

“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

There are three reasons that Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is one of the very best films of the year. 1. Martin McDonagh’s raw direction and script. 2. Frances McDormand’s phenomenal work as a vengeful mother. 3. Sam Rockwell’s amazing performance as a redeemable sociopathic cop.

Mildred Hayes (Frances McDormand) has grown rightfully furious over the lack of results in her daughter’s murder investigation. Rather than go after the killer herself, her solution is to advertise Sheriff Willoughby’s (Woody Harrelson) incompetence through three billboards. The entire town sides with Willoughby and harasses Mildred constantly, including Willoughby’s belligerent alcoholic deputy Dixon (Rockwell). That’s all you need to know about this film’s wonderfully dark premise.

Irish playwright McDonagh (2008’s terrific In Bruges and 2012’s underrated Seven Psychopaths) hasn’t lost steam with his third feature. If anything, he’s matured and more restrained. Three Billboards is just as shocking and foul-mouthed as In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths, but it’s more grounded. This is a film about three broken people who handle a tragedy in morbid fashion.

Mildred is a foul-mouthed force of nature. She isn’t afraid to drill a vindictive dentist’s thumb apart or ridicule a reporter on live TV, but she’s still human. Mildred doesn’t want revenge; she wants closure since she’s haunted by an argument she had with her daughter prior to her murder. McDormand delivers a fantastic multi-layered performance and is my frontrunner for Best Actress.

Willoughby is simply trying to maintain order and do right by Mildred. Not because it’s his job, but he wants to end his career on a noble note. He’s the ego to Mildred’s id and Harrelson is terrific as the ailing sheriff.

Then there’s Dixon. Dixon is a chaotic tornado of destruction who makes Mildred’s life a living hell. Despite his violent tendencies, Dixon is a flawed man who just wants a moment to shine. Dixon acts as the superego to Mildred and Willoughby. Rockwell delivers the best performance of his career and outshines Will Poulter’s evil cop character in Detroit.

McDonagh balances humor with poetic narrative and an attention-grabbing script. There are lines of dialogue that act as hypotheticals, but later become reality. He also has a cynical view of modern America that’s demonstrated in his depiction of the town community and Mildred’s morbid view of the Catholic Church. He’s not entirely wrong, though.

Three Billboards ends on a fittingly unresolved note that could make room for a potential sequel. McDonagh doesn’t strike me as the sequel lover, but I would hope he makes an exception in this case.

Grade: A+

“Justice League”

The DCEU is like a kid riding a bike; they crash on the first couple of rides, but slowly get better with practice. They’ve improved with Justice League.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Bruce Wayne/Batman (Ben Affleck) and Diana Prince/Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) learn of a new CG-villain named Steppenwolf (Ciarán Hinds) who plots world domination. Their solution – recruit Aquaman (Jason Mamoa), Cyborg (Ray Fisher), and The Flash (Ezra Miller) and resurrect Superman (Henry Cavill) from the dead to help them stop the new baddy.

I’m a fan of comic book movies, but I also have a love-hate relationship with Zack Snyder. I love his earlier work (Dawn of the Dead and Watchmen particularly), but his DCEU films are huge misfires. Thankfully, Justice League is an improvement. It’s a B-superhero movie that’s just lighthearted fun. I admire that Snyder and Joss Whedon (who did extensive rewrites and post-production work) treated Justice League as a lighthearted superhero flick.

There are a few occasional dark moments with the best being a brooding opening credits sequence. It uses a cover of Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows” to show how hopeless the world has become without Superman. Part from that, Justice League relies on one-liners and witty banter to make the movie fun. Even Batman makes jokes, which is shocking!

The cast has great chemistry and each actor does their character justice. Mamoa plays Aquaman as a debauched rockstar, Miller plays The Flash as an antisocial nerd, and Fisher portrays Cyborg as a man torn between his humanity and robotics.

Affleck and Gadot are once again great as Batman and Wonder Woman; they both sell their characters’ conflicts and opposing views of battling Steppenwolf. Steppenwolf is where the movie suffers. There’s no substance or originality with Steppenwolf and even with the underrated Hinds playing him, I wasn’t sold. Then again, does anyone ever watch a superhero ensemble movie for the villain?

The plot is a standard save-the-world formula we’ve seen done a thousand times. However, the final act is worth the ticket admission alone, thanks to Snyder and Whedon’s portrayal of Superman. He’s not recklessly destroying cities or brooding; he’s smiling and saving villages from destruction.

The DCEU sounds like it’s on its last leg, but I’m willing to keep going back since the movies are getting better.

Grade: B

 

“Lady Bird”

Greta Gerwig’s directorial debut Lady Bird might have 2017’s best prologue and epilogue in film. It sums up the deep love between mother and daughter.

Set in 2003 Sacramento, high school senior Christine (Saoirse Ronan) rebels against her catholic school and overbearing mother (Laurie Metcalf). She goes by Lady Bird, secretly applies for New York colleges against her mom’s wishes, and often stirs up commotions in her catholic school. The film takes place over the course of a year and primarily focuses on Lady Bird’s ups and downs with her mother.

I’m a sucker for coming-of-age films, but I haven’t been blown away by one since 2013’s The Spectacular Now (another A24 film). Well, Lady Bird floored me. It’s poignant, funny, heartbreaking, complex, and near-perfect.

The film feels personal thanks to the realistic relationship of Lady Bird and her mom. Metcalf delivers a career-best performance as Lady Bird’s mom, who’s unpleasant and yet empathetic. The 23-year-old Ronan delivers a committed and convincing performance as the 17-year-old Lady Bird; she knows that her mom has a big heart, despite the unpleasantry. In one tense argument over laundry, Lady Bird understands her mom’s behavior when her mom mentions her own tragic upbringing. There are more powerful character-driven moments throughout the film.

Lady Bird also deals with other serious topics such as politics, religion, sex, and homosexuality. Some of the topics are handled with a sharp satirical edge (the abortion assembly scene had my theater laughing uncontrollably) while others are handled emotionally. There’s a subplot involving Lady Bird’s closeted boyfriend Danny (a terrific Lucas Hedges) who’s torn between his identity and family, which is devastating. Each character Lady Bird meets gives her a life experience and prepares her for the reality of growing up.

Back to the opening and closing scenes, they sum up the complexity of Lady Bird’s relationship with her mom. We see they deeply love each other, but also resent each other for various reasons.

I hate the term “crowd pleaser,” but given my audience’s reactions to Lady Bird, this is a crowd pleaser. It’s also a likely Best Picture contender in the upcoming Oscar season.

Grade: A+

“Thor: Ragnarok”

Replacing a franchise director can be risky. Putting Taika Waititi in charge of Thor: Ragnarok is just what our God of Thunder needed.

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) learns that Loki (Tom Hiddleston) survived the end events of The Dark World and they have a bittersweet reunion. They also discover they have an evil sister Hela (Cate Blanchett). Hela takes over Asgard and casts Thor and Loki to Sakaar where the Grandmaster (Jeff Goldblum) forces Thor to become a gladiator. He also reunites with a certain angry green scientist (Mark Ruffalo) and they try to find a way to save Asgard.

Of the MCU franchises, the Thor is my least favorite. I found the first two films repetitive with too much focus on Thor and Jane’s relationship. Ragnarok is a breath of fresh air. Waititi replaces the rushed romance with a platonic friendship, removesThor and Loki’s brooding attitudes and amps up their wit, and he swaps out the Shakespeare undertones for a retro 80s aesthetics. I wanted to yell “YES,” in the theater like Thor does out of the happiness.

We see that Thor’s come a long way in growing up. He’s less arrogant, reckless, and is now wiser and accepting of Loki. Loki is still mischievous, but recognizes how much he cares for Thor. After four movies together, it’s easy to believe Hemsworth and Hiddleston’s chemistry as dysfunctional brothers.

Ragnarok is also the funniest MCU film to date. The jokes are physical, slapstick, and self-referential without ever being annoying. During the big battle between Thor and Hulk that’s in every trailer, we’re treated to some of the funniest cross-referencing jokes, thanks to Hiddleston’s comedic timing and facial expressions.

The action sequences are kinetic, flashy, and fun; they felt like a fantasy version of Guardians of the Galaxy due to the candy-colored explosions and retro soundtrack (yes, Immigrant Song is in the movie). Waititi had previously directed The Hunt for the Wilderpeople, which spliced humor into over-the-top action sequences. He clearly loves both genres and will continue to make a strong impact.

The end battle is a tad anti-climactic, but is filled with enough character moments to suffice. Each cast member excels with Blanchett’s wonderfully evil villain and Goldblum’s eccentric secondary antagonist being welcome additions. I can’t think of another superhero movie that was this funny.

Grade: A-

“The Killing of a Sacred Deer”

Like the best psycho thrillers, The Killing of a Sacred Deer has a cautionary message for its viewers. In this case, take responsibility for your actions.

Successful cardiologist Steven Murphy (Colin Farrell) acts as a mentor to a deceased patient’s teenaged son Martin (Barry Keoghan). They seem to get along well as Steven gives Martin expensive presents and invites him over for dinner. The pleasantry is short-lived when Martin reveals he holds Steven responsible for his father’s death. Then things escalate to a nightmarish level when Martin unveils his sinister agenda involving Steven’s family.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer peeked my interest during this year’s Cannes Film Festival. With it being a psychological horror film that was both praised and booed, I couldn’t ignore it. If I saw this film in Cannes, I would be on the praising side of the auditorium; The Killing of a Sacred Deer is an allegorical masterpiece.

Writer/director Yorgos Lathimos (last year’s overrated The Lobster) has learned from his past mistakes. In Sacred Deer, Lathimos doesn’t lose focus or his visceral impact. Lathimos makes the film’s 121-minute running time feel like a nightmarish eternity of suffering with his slow pace, long takes, morbid humor, disturbing violence, and moral ambiguity.

There isn’t a single character you can call a good person. Every character is immoral, deranged, cold, sociopathic, nihilistic, and devious. Farrell excels as Steven, selling this ordinary doctor as a two-faced scumbag. I’ll argue Steven is more a villain than Martin since Steven takes no responsibility for his actions and blames everyone for his mistakes. “An anesthesiologist can kill a patient, but a surgeon never can,” is the line that defines Steven.

Keoghan shines as Martin. He seems like a friendly-albeit-awkward kid when he gives Martin’s children Bob (Sunny Suljic) and Kim (Raffey Cassidy) presents. When Martin monologues what will happen to Bob and Kim if Martin doesn’t make a certain sacrifice, we quickly see that Martin is a young sociopath in the making. “It’s the only thing I can think of that is close to justice,” Martin says self-righteously.

It’s clear that Steven doesn’t want to befriend Martin, but he feels obligated. He also treats Martin kinder than his own son (Steven threatens to feed his son his hair in one scene). Is this because he feels guilty? Martin seems disinterested in harming Steven’s family (Martin doesn’t physically hurt anyone) and also wants Martin to be his stepdad. Would he have given Steven a pass if Steven spent more time with him?

The supporting cast are all convincing as eccentric and creepy characters. Nicole Kidman is excellent as Martin’s cold wife who clearly loves Bob more than Kim. Alicia Silverstone appears in only five minutes of screen time as Martin’s lonely and sexually aggressive mother who’s obsessed with Steven’s hands; she steals this scene from her costars.

Sacred Deer may sound like a familiar psycho thriller, but I assure you it’s not, thanks to Lathimos’ fascination with Greek Mythology and his ambition. The title is a reference to the Iphigenia myth, which tells a similar story of sacrifice and dilemmas.

This isn’t a film for the squeamish; between the film featuring a real-life heart surgery and children bleeding from their eyeballs, it’s made some viewers faint or vomit. For the transgressive film lovers who love Kubrick and avant-garde, this one’s for you.

Grade: A